What the Chuck?
by Diamond Mask
Summary: With Albel and Sophia waging an all out prank battle on each other and Fayt an emotional wreck, Cliff has but one choice to keep the peace: Chuck Norris. Conclusion to both Tricks are for Kids and Honey Bunny.
1. The Cookie Revenge

**What the Chuck?**

**Summary:** With Albel and Sophia waging a full out prank war on each other and Fayt an emotional wreck, Cliff is left with one choice to keep the peace: Chuck Norris. Conclusion to both Tricks are for Kids and Honey Bunny.

**Disclaimer:** This authoress does not own Star Ocean Till the End of Time or any of the respective characters.

**Warnings:** Language and major OOC-ness.

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"**WEDGIE**!"

An ear-splitting male scream shattered the silence of the ship, followed by a thunderous crash and the sound of running footsteps.

"Damn maggot, what the hell did you do to me? When I get my hands on you, it will be ten times worse than what you call a…a wedgie! And I'll use my claw!"

There was an audible female squeak and the footsteps immediately sped up.

Peppita peeked out of her door and watched in amazement as Sophia sped past her room, followed by Albel, who was hobbling awkwardly with one hand pressed to his backside. The young performer giggled as she noticed the fiery red material of what she suspected was a thong sticking above the top of his sarong.

"Someone got a wedgie!" she sang gleefully and then darted back into the safety of her room as she heard the answering roar of fury. It was fortunate for her that Albel was in no state to pursue her.

He soon shuffled off in search of one of those useful healing pods that would help him with his 'health problem', all the while muttering about the rotten maggots he was trapped with and being coerced into a relationship with the earthling wench. Had he known how troublesome the blasted girl could be, he would never have thought up that ridiculous muffin scam! And to think, he had actually wanted to kiss her! (Truth be told they had done a lot more than just kissing over the past few weeks, but never mind) And then there was still the bunny slipper incident, which he had forbidden anyone to ever speak of again under penalty of disembowelment.

What the hell had he been _thinking_?

Actually, he reminded himself by glaring down the front of his sarong; he had been the one doing the thinking.

Damn hormones. One would swear he was still stuck in puberty.

"Try and catch me, honey bunny!"

Sophia appeared in front of him, dancing on her tiptoes with a smug grin on her face. A snarl twisted his lips and he limped towards her, one hand outstretched to grab her. Nimbly, she jumped out of his reach and stuck out her tongue as she pranced into the next room.

"As soon as I find some ointment, I am coming to hunt you down!"

"Aw, did I hurt your feelings? Or was it more than that?" she asked, a smirk playing about her lips. "I'm sorry, honey bunny."

"I'll bet," he muttered darkly.

"No, Albel, I really am."

"…"

"Okay then, to show you that I am honestly and truly sorry, you can have… a cookie."

A cookie?

"Wench, do you think I'm an idiot? Don't attempt to bluff me, you do not have a cookie!" he snapped, glaring at her malevolently.

Like magic, a cookie appeared in her hand and immediately his gaze was fixed on it. "It's a… it's a…" he stuttered, barely able to speak because of the glorious aroma taunting his nostrils.

Teasingly, she waved it back and forth in front of his face, watching how his eyes followed its every move.

Damn. His one weakness, she had found his one weakness! How had she found out? He was willing to bet all the Fol on this miserable planet that Cliff had snitched. One of these days, he promised himself, he was going to get a hold of that muscle head maggot… with hot sauce, his claw and a couple of bags of that dreadful itching powder. And he was gonna stick it all where the sun don't ever shine. Yep, Cliff was going to learn a valuable lesson about what it meant to tangle with Albel the Wicked.

"Is…is that a… chocolate chip cookie?" his eyes glazed over as a thin line of saliva began to drip down the corner of his mouth.

"What else does it look like? And since you don't seem to want it, I might as well eat it…" she raised the cookie to her lips and opened her mouth, preparing to take a bite of the delicious biscuit.

"It's _my_ cookie!"

Sophia shrieked as Albel dove on top of her, frantically trying to wrestle the precious cookie out of her sweaty paws. "Give me back my cookie!" he screamed furiously, jabbing her violently with his clawed hand.

"Owchie!" she squealed, clasping her hand to her side as Albel grabbed his prize, stuffing the large cookie into his mouth with a loud, contented sigh. Sophia glared at him while he sat chewing with a wide smile on his face. "Albel, you idiot, that hurt!"

"How do you think the wedgie felt like then, a light _tickle_?"

"I can't believe you! You're so…so… so stupid!"

"Hah!" a jeering bark of laughter escaped his throat and he smirked at her. "Was that the best you could come up with? My god, how pathetic! Surely you can do better than that, maggot."

She swelled visibly with fury and as he turned to shuffle away she let him have it. "You are so stupid, Albel, you got third degree burns from a candle!"

He froze. "Are you _challenging_ me?"

"You can bet your scrawny ass I am!"

Albel gave her a nasty grin. "You are going to wish you had never tangled with me, worm! I am the king of verbal battles!"

"Fine then, yourMajesty, hit me with your best!"

"You are so stupid, maggot, that you tripped and drowned in a shallow puddle!"

She gasped. "Ooh, that was low! You are so stupid, you got suffocated by a plastic packet floating in front of your face!"

He grinned. "Good, but not good enough. You are so stupid, Sophia, that you got a paper cut from a tissue!"

Sophia frowned. Damn, he was _really_ good. "You are so stupid, Albel, that you… that you…"

The longer she stammered, the wider his grin grew. Finally, he could stand it no longer. "Hah! You can't come up with a come back! I win! Mwahahahaha!" he cackled with evil glee.

"Dammit!" she stomped her foot in frustration and glared at the smug Albel. He gave a broad grin and smacked his lips in a kiss.

"How does it feel to be the loser, maggot?"

She pouted, tossing her head as she folded her arms across her chest. "This may surprise you, Albel, but I am not the loser here."

"Mwahahahaha- what? What nonsense are you talking, worm?" he said indignantly. "I won!"

But as he spoke, there was an ominous rumble. "What the hell did you do?" he demanded, looking around wildly to pinpoint the sound of the rumbling.

She gave him an evil grin, baring her small pointed teeth before she slid a tiny bottle from her pocket and held it up for him to see. Albel gasped in horror, clutching his stomach as another rumble shook the room.

Laxatives. The wench had spiked his cookie with _laxatives_.

"Oh noooo…" he moaned as his stomach gave a nasty sounding gurgle. "I… I have to… now…"

The smell that wafted from his bowels was beyond description (it put sulphur to shame): to put it mildly, it smelt like the repulsive lump had after Fayt had discovered it lying behind the fridge. Roger's excuse was that it was put there to scare the rats out so that he could chase them as target practice with his axe. It had lain there slowly but surely, decaying for six months. After pointing out that there were no rats on a spaceship, a terribly ill Fayt had gone berserk after an annoyed Roger proceeded to throw the rotten lump at his head and it burst all over the blue locks. The bluenette had washed his hair a record breaking thirty six times and was still in recovery.

Of course then, since Murphy's Law should always be obeyed (especially in fanfiction), the sensitive bluenette walked into the passage and straight into the greenish cloud hanging around Albel and Sophia.

He paused, his green eyes narrowing warily. "Hey, are you two fighting again? Cause Cliff said you weren't allowed to…what is that _stench_?"

Uh oh.

The delicate nostrils flared and he took a deep suspicious sniff before he gave a strangled, choking shriek and promptly keeled over.

"Oh my, Albel… it really is bad." Sophia tried in vain to block out the intense smell forcing its way up her nose but she wasn't doing a very good job of it and she felt faint.

"Whose fault is that?" he groaned as his belly rumbled again.

"I didn't know the stuff was that potent… I thought that it would take at least an hour to kick in! Then again, I did use the entire bottle in the batch of cookies I baked this morning…"

"The entirebottle? Are you trying to kill me, wench?" he gasped, doubling over as his belly clenched and he swore. "Shit!"

"Exactly!"

"What, here?"

"No, in the toilet, silly rabbit!"

"Oh god…" Albel ran down the passage as fast as he could, shoving Cliff out of his way.

"Hey, watch where you're going, pal!" he yelled after the retreating swordsman.

"Go screw yourself, Fittir!"

The blonde looked puzzled and scratched his head, turning to Sophia. "What's up with him?"

She shifted from side to side, looking guilty as hell. "Oh, Albel's always like that… its absolutely normal behaviour for him."

"No, normal for Albel is trying to shove his claw up my ass." Realising how that sounded, Cliff quickly added, "But in a bad way!"

"…"

"Argh, you know what I mean. He normally wants to pound the living daylights out of me for just being alive and breathing, I mean last time he…" Cliff faltered as his nostrils finally began functioning. "… Oh my… what is that smell? What the hell have you two been up to?"

Sophia was quiet, trying to sidle closer to the door so she could make her escape before he noticed the comatose Fayt and cottoned on to the truth. "Um…it was a science experiment. Yeah, with sulphur, lots and lots of it!"

"Uhhhhh… my head… my nose… it _burns_!"

"Fayt!" Cliff ran over to the fallen bluenette and he raised his head weakly, green eyes blinking against the light.

"C-Cliff? W-What happened? The last thing I remember was talking to Albel and Sophia… and then this horrible stench…"

"Albel and Sophia did this?"

The Klausian looked up furiously only to stare at a blank space. "SOPHIA!"

"Eep!"

But everyone failed to notice the two pairs of bright eyes peeking from behind a wall, watching the chaos unfold with knowing grins…

**To be continued…**


	2. Clap your hands!

**What the Chuck?**

**Summary:** See chapter one

**Disclaimer:** See chapter one

**Warnings:** See chapter one

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"If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!"

Peppita skipped down the passage, clapping her hands as she went along. Her voice grew louder with each step.

And with each rise in the squeaky pitch of her singing voice, his eye twitched a little more.

"If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands! If you're happy and you know it and you really want to show it, if you're happy and you know it, CLAP YOUR HANDS!"

As she clapped again, she pounded on the bathroom door. "Albel? Cliff says you have to come out sometime. I mean, even you have to eat, right?"

"Leave me _alone_, maggot."

Peppita sighed and shook her head at the disgruntled reply. "Please, Bel?"

"…"

"Fine. Then our super secret classified meeting will have to take place without you! And we'll probably spend hours gossiping about you while you hide sulking in the bathroom!"

"Bah. Like I care what the rest of the maggots say about me."

The young teen pouted. "Pretty please?"

"…"

"With a chocolate chip cookie on top?"

"…Do you really think this childishness is going to get me out of here?"

She frowned a little bit and then beamed. "Yeah!"

"…"

Peppita sagged against the door. "C'mon, Albel, open the door and come to the meeting. Everyone's going to be there!"

"Exactly."

"Albel!"

"Why should I lower myself to spend any more time with you maggots? I refuse to look at any of you until you take this blasted ship back to Elicoor!"

"Aw, Bel, don't be such a meanie!"

"Brat, they call me Albel the Wicked! How dare you call me Bel? What do you think I am, a teddy bear?"

"Teddy bears don't wear thigh high boots, silly!"

There was silence and Peppita pressed her ear against the door where she could hear scratching noises.

**DEATH LIST**:

Fayt (blue maggot)

Nel (red maggot, also Aquarian wench)

_Cliff _(blonde maggot, also known as the overgrown lummox in tight clothes)

Roger (small furry maggot- come to think of it, his fur would make a nice cape to match my eyes)

Sophia (I'll make you pay for those cookies, wench…)

Peppita (pink haired brat- for infecting my brain with nonsense songs – Albel Nox does not tolerate nonsense!)

Albel scribbled the last and latest entry with his new pen and surveyed his list with a satisfied smirk before stuffing it back in his pocket. The list had been in existence ever since he had been defeated by Fayt, Cliff and Nel outside the Bequerel Mines and clearly, he was still mad about it.

Gradually as time wore on and the group grew in number, so did the list. As to when he was planning his long awaited revenge, it was only a matter of time.

That was what he told himself at night as he lay in bed, gnashing his teeth in frustration from lack of action: it was only a matter of time…

If anyone was wondering what Fayt could have done to deserve being on the list (which was in no particular order of planned deaths – or so Albel says), other than the embarrassing defeat that Albel had suffered at his hands, it was simply this: for possessing the Destruction gene, the boy was surprisingly insipid and feeble at times. As you can guess, Albel cannot abide feebleness, it irritated the hell out of him. Hence the reason why Fayt was on the list.

"Albel, open the door and let me in!"

"No."

"Can I sing a song for you?"

Albel blinked at the random question. "No!"

"If you're gorgeous and you know it, say I am! If you're gorgeous and you know it, say I am! C'mon, Albel, sing it with me!"

"Are you crazy?"

But she swore that she could hear a boot tapping away in tune with her voice. "Gotcha!" she muttered evilly before continuing with the song. "If you're gorgeous and you know it, say I am! If you're gorgeous and you know it, say I am!"

"I am!"

"If you're gorgeous and you know it, then your face would surely show it, if you're gorgeous and you know it, say I am!"

"I am!" The door flew open and Albel stood there, grinning like a lunatic. "I _am_ gorgeous!"

"Bel!" she threw her arms around his narrow waist and he grimaced when he realized that she had conned him out of the bathroom.

Well, it had been getting rather cold in there.

"Brat, this does not mean I am going to the meeting. I am only going to the kitchen to get the leftover pizza from last night!"

"I think Cliff ate that for breakfast," she said and giggled at the scowl that crossed his face. "Aww, Bel." She grabbed his hand, unable to resist the cute pout on his face and when he glared at her pointedly, she glared mockingly back and refused to let go.

"Maggot. You have precisely five seconds to let go before I _chop_ your hand off."

"No. I like holding your hand, it's warm!"

"Let go _now_!"

"No!"

He tugged fruitlessly at his hand, but damn she had a grip like an iron vice! "Damn it brat, let go of me!"

"Why can't I hold your hand?"

"Because. Someone might _see_," he hissed, trying to yank his hand out of her grasp.

Immediately, her large eyes filled with tears. "You don't like me anymore, do you? You hate me so much, you don't even want to be seen holding my hand!"

He paused, a softer look in his red eyes. Peppita brightened considerably at this rare sight before Albel burst her bubble. "Of course I hate you! I hate _all _of you! Now let _go_!"

But there was a sudden obstinate shine in her pink eyes that Albel decided he did not like one bit and then she drew in a deep breath, her bottom lip wobbling. "Poor Bel. I know what's wrong, I know why you're being so mean!"

"Yes, you are holding my hand, as in _touching_ me." His reply was sharp and he was still trying to yank his hand out of her surprisingly strong grip. "And as for being mean, I'm always mean. It's what you call a trademark, brat."

"No," she said earnestly, "You still feel bad from Sophia's wedgie… you need a kiss to make it all feel better!"

His eyes widened in horror. "From _you_?" he yelled, backing away quickly from her.

"I know, I know. I am only fourteen, so I'll just give you a smack on the cheek," she giggled, puckering her lips into a kiss and holding out her arms. "C'mere, you!"

"AAAAHHHH!"

"Bel, come back!"

**------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Maria could hardly keep a straight face as she patted the blue locks consolingly while boy lay with his head on the conference table. "I'm sure the bump will go down within a few days," she said reassuringly, gently poking the lump protruding from the side of his forehead.

"Ouch," he whined, batting her hand away. The scarlet haired woman sitting opposite him made a derisive sound in her throat and she glared angrily at Cliff. "Can we get this meeting started please? This," she said, pointing to Fayt, "is driving me insane."

Cliff leaned back in his seat, clasping his hands behind his blonde head. "Relax, Nel," he drawled lazily. "Just chill for a couple of minutes until Peppita gets back with Albel."

But after a few minutes, the sound of grinding teeth and nails being dragged down the table were starting to get on his nerves. Finally he snapped. "Damn it Nel, chill out!" he yelled, slamming one fist on the table. Nel fixed a hard green gaze on him and continued dragging her nails down the table.

"How can I chill out," she hissed from between clenched teeth, "when I have not been able to get a decent night's sleep in days? My nerves are reaching their limit, Cliff, and I see nothing being done to stop it!"

"This is what I'm trying to do, Nel, but until Albel gets here, we can't resolve anything. Look, we already have Sophia here at least," he said, gesturing to the brunette tied to the chair furthest away from the edgy warrior.

Sophia glared sullenly from her seat as she wriggled in the straightjacket. "I still don't see why I have to be tied up. I'm _not_ crazy. Albel is the one you should be tying up, he's the one who started this whole mess, remember? Now he's the crazy one."

"Yeah, but you can't be trusted either, remember that?" he pointed out.

Evidently he still remembered the honey bunny incident. Sophia pouted. "Nuts. But wait, you can't be trusted either, Cliff!"

"Who, _me_?"

"Yeah, you're the one making a _profit_ out of this whole mess!" she retorted.

"Shut up!" he hissed, glancing around guiltily to make sure no one heard.

Mirage looked up from her computer, her large blue eyes blinking. "Peppita should not be taking this long. She and Albel should have been here at least five minutes ago," she announced in her usual deadpan tone.

"You don't think Albel…? Nah, he couldn't have," Cliff said dismissively. "They'll pop up any second."

"Oh my god!" Fayt panicked, a touch of hysteria creeping into his voice. "Albel killed Peppita! I know he did!"

"Please," Sophia scoffed. "They probably just got lost knowing him. Albel couldn't find his way out of a paper bag, let alone around the Diplo."

But Nel was getting a little worried. She knew what Albel was capable of doing when he got irritated and let's face it, Peppita could be a tad too much to handle at times. "Maybe someone should go look for them," she suggested to Cliff, drumming her fingers agitatedly on the tabletop.

But the blonde ignored her and straightened in his seat, listening intently. "Do you guys hear that?"

The sound of something crashing in the distance was nothing new to them, having all travelled together on the Diplo before. One could not put Albel Nox and Nel Zelpher, two of the feistiest people in existence, on a ship together and expect to come out with everything intact. During a small squabble, they usually demolished the contents of whatever room they were in and during a massive blowout, everyone else usually locked themselves and their most precious valuables away and hid in a corner under a blanket, praying for it to end quickly.

The only problem was that Nel was sitting here, which meant that Albel must be…

"We have to save Peppita!" Fayt shrieked, jumping up from his seat.

Cliff shook his head urgently. "No, not that noise. The other noise."

Perplexed, Maria stared at him. "Cliff, what are you talking about? What other noise?"

"Wait," Mirage frowned, "I can hear it too. I think its… music?"

"I think I hear it too," Nel confirmed. "But I cannot identify it. Could one of the crew be playing this, Maria?"

The bluenette shook her head. "No. That's impossible."

Fayt was hopping from one foot to the other in agitation. "Guys, we have to rescue Peppita from Albel! He may do something terrible!"

"Yeah, he probably will," Sophia replied cheerfully, since the rest of the group was no longer paying attention to Fayt. "He gets awfully cranky after he's been the victim of a prank."

"Why is it impossible?" Nel persisted to Maria, pointedly ignoring the distressed bluenette boy. "It has to be someone on the Diplo! I mean, we're in the middle of space, it's impossible for the culprit to be anyone else outside the ship!"

"That's not what I meant," she replied. "Can't you hear what it is? My crew would never play something so inane and childish. Well, maybe Cliff would, but he's sitting right here, so it can't be him."

Suddenly Fayt froze. "I know what song this is!" he exclaimed, all thoughts of Peppita flying out of his head and he started humming crazily under his breath, clapping his hands sporadically. And then he stood there grinning at them like the idiot he was.

"Well?" Nel snapped, glaring at him with a muscle twitching in her cheek.

He sighed, rolling his eyes. "If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!"

"And that is what exactly?" she asked, a confused look on her face.

This time it was Mirage's turn to sigh. "One of the most well known and irritating songs in the entire universe."

Nel groaned, dropping her head on the table with a thud. "Why am I not surprised?"

"It's the coolest song ever!" Fayt beamed. "Would you like to hear all of it, Nel?"

"Just say no," Cliff muttered under his breath to Nel. "We'll all be able to keep our sanity a little longer. I saw him perform this at a karaoke evening once, and believe me it wasn't pretty. A deaf guy got his eardrums popped."

"Fayt, maybe another time, okay?"

But Fayt, undeterred from her decline, proceeded to belt out the lyrics, accompanied by his hands to provide backup. "If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands! If you're happy and you know it clap your hands! If you're happy and you know it and you really want to show it, if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!" Fayt ended in a screech and then beamed, throwing his arms up in an extravagant finale.

Nel groaned. "I should never have left Elicoor…"

"Is he expecting applause?" Maria whispered fearfully to Mirage.

The female Klausian shook her head bemusedly. "I would give it to him only if his head was between the hands. Preferably mine."

"C'mon Nel, sing it with me! If you're happy and you know it, clap your-"

"FAYT, _SHUT UP_!"

"If you're happy and you know it and you really want to show it…ugh!" the bluenette dropped to the floor with a thud.

There was silence.

"Wow, Mirage. Nice shot."

"Thank you."

And everyone returned to waiting and wondering without batting an eyelid.

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

"Bel, come back!"

Albel skidded around the corner, flinging himself the nearest room and locking the door. He breathed a sigh of relief as he heard the distinct patter of her feet and the ludicrous bells on her clothes fade into the distance, along with the stupid song.

But wait… if Peppita was moving away from him, why was the sound of the song actually growing louder?

"_If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands…"_

Was some unbelievable fool on the ship playing the song through the communication systems?

Albel pressed his ear against the door, unaware that someone on the other side of the door was doing the exact same thing.

"_If you're happy and you know it and you really want to show it…"_

"What the hell is going on?" he wondered out loud and the shadowy figure giggled madly as it slipped the contents of a potion vial into the ventilator beside the door. After doing a little celebratory jig, accompanied by more mad giggles, the disguised figure scampered away, overcome with its sheer brilliance.

The swordsman shrugged, wondering if the tequila and cough medicine that Cliff had forced down his throat to keep him from throttling Roger last night was only kicking into gear now. Making sure the door was locked, he settled down to wait until the coast was clear and he could make his way to that infernal meeting.

He failed to notice the strange smell permeating the room…

**To be continued.**

**A/N:** I take no credit for calling Albel 'Bel' because I borrowed the term momentarily from Ari Maxwell and her wonderful collection of Albel/Fayt shonen-ai stories and the alternate lyrics are taken from a Johnny Bravo episode (If you're gorgeous and you know it, say I am…). So, as it ends, I own nothing yet again except complete and utter randomness! sob


	3. Tea anyone?

**What the Chuck?**

**Summary:** See chapter one.

**Disclaimer:** See chapter one.

**Warnings:** See chapter one.

**------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

"I spy with my little eye, something… round."

Green eyes narrowed in deep concentration, a small vein throbbing on his forehead from the effort, Fayt focused all of his available brain power on solving the riddle. Gradually, his breathing became more laboured and sweat began to pour in rivers down his cheeks.

Round… round… what could be _round_?

Cliff watched the openly distressed bluenette with barely contained amusement. He leaned across to Mirage, who was indulging a bored Maria by letting her paint her nails bright blue. "I love this part," he whispered gleefully.

Nel looked up from where she was tormenting Sophia with a chocolate muffin. "What part?" she asked, flicking another chunk of chocolaty goodness into her mouth.

"The part where he passes out."

Ignoring the dark glares from the livid brunette, Nel continued to eat her muffin with slow, torturous bites. "Why would he pass out from I Spy?"

The blonde Klausian smirked and settled back to enjoy the show. "You'll see."

She frowned but stared at Fayt anyway. Interesting…

The bluenette was sitting frozen in his chair, eyes wide as they swivelled slowly around the room. Every now and then he would give a small hiccup and Nel could not help but notice that his face was slowly but surely becoming the same shade of blue as his hair.

Nel was not alarmed. Or worried. She took a bite from her muffin instead.

_I will not lose… I will not lose…. I will not lose again…_

_But what could be** round**? _

Fayt was getting just a little bit anxious. Was thinking supposed to hurt this much? But the determined bluenette gathered his resolve, ignoring the agonising pain. He refused to lose to Cliff for the five hundred and ninety fifth time!

If only he could… concentrate on something… round…

/thump/ 

There was silence as everyone stared at the floor. For about a second. Then Maria and Mirage went back to painting each others nails and Cliff picked up the Playboy he had been 'reading' earlier.

"Happens every time," he murmured in quiet satisfaction.

Nel however, continued to stare at the fallen bluenette.

"What just happened?" she asked randomly. And since it was a random question, no one bothered to answer. Except Sophia, who was eager to point out that the spy was not as clever as she thought.

"Isn't it _obvious_?"

Nel rolled her eyes, but took the bait nonetheless. "Fine then. Dazzle my poor underdeveloped mind with your supreme otherworldly knowledge, _Sophia_."

The brunette smiled. "No." And then cackled madly.

Nel cracked her knuckles, resisting the urge to kill. After all, Farleen was still alive and that said a lot for her self control.

"If you really want to know," Maria said absentmindedly, concentrating her efforts on wielding the small brush, "Fayt forgot to breath."

"What? How could he forget to BREATHE?"

"Quite easily actually. He does it all the time."

"How is it possible that someone as intelligent as Fayt could forget to _breathe_?"

Maria shrugged and started painting her nails orange.

Sophia cackled again, proving that she did indeed need the straightjacket.

Cliff was staring/drooling at pictures of Nel dressed in outfits so saucy they would make a stripper blush.

There was silence.

"Mirage, explain to me how Fayt can forget to breathe!"

The female Klausian looked up from her blue nails with absolutely no expression on her face. "Yes, Fayt is intelligent. Unfortunately he has the concentration span of a limp noodle."

"A limp noodle? What does a _noodle_ have to do with Fayt forgetting to breathe?"

"Noodles are incapable of concentration."

"…"

"…"

"Okay, so why does Fayt forget to breathe?"

Mirage stared at Nel. Nel stared back.

"Because he has the concentration span of a limp noodle."

"…"

"…"

"… Are you doing this on _purpose_?"

Mirage frowned. "No. Fayt does have the concentration span of a cooked noodle. That is why he has to concentrate harder than everyone else. To concentrate on a game such as I Spy, Fayt needs an incredible amount of brainpower and his brain simply cannot supply him with that energy without making a few sacrifices. In order to concentrate at the required level, his brain loses its ability to control breathing. And that is why he is lying on the floor. He forgot to breathe by himself."

Nel was silent for a few moments before speaking. "That is impossible."

"You just saw it happen. He turned blue from lack of oxygen and fell over."

"…"

"…"

"So, do you normally just leave him on the floor?" Nel asked reluctantly, being forced to accept that Fayt had a brain that was more screwed up than Luther had let on.

"No. Sometimes we are in the mood to be nice and when that happens we put him on the couch. But that hasn't happened yet either."

As if to prove that point, the group continued to ignore poor Fayt.

Nel sighed. They always left her to clean up the trash… but she dragged herself up and made her way over to the bluenette. Cliff was the only one who watched her with interest, mainly because he was wondering if she was really as flexible as she was in the picture.

But before she could reach him, the door slid open with an ominous hiss and jingling of bells.

"Peppita?"

At the sound of her name, the young teens eyes filled with fresh tears. "Bel ran away!" she wailed, throwing herself down on the floor next to Fayt.

"What do you mean;ran away?" Cliff demanded, tucking his magazine securely under the table. The last thing he wanted was to be accused of corrupting young and impressionable minds again.

"Bel is gone!"

"How could Albel be _gone_? This is a spaceship, there are only so many places he could be!"

"Bel hates me!" she continued to wail, beating her small fists on the carpet.

"Of course he does."

Peppita stopped crying long enough to glare hatefully at Sophia, who only smiled back sweetly.

"Wait…" Nel stopped her pacing to stare suspiciously at her. "Peppita, what exactly did you do to make Albel run away from you?"

The pink haired girl narrowed her eyes shiftily, looking guilty as hell, but still unbelievably cute. "I just wanted a little bitty kiss," she murmured guiltily, playing with the bells on her sleeves.

There was a collective sigh.

"Oh well." Cliff settled back into his chair and flipped open his magazine.

Maria imitated the gesture and began painting red smiley faces on her orange nails, while Mirage started painting her toenails pink.

Nel watched them with an expression of disbelief on her face. "What are you all doing?"

"Waiting for Albel to get here."

She glared at Cliff. "You could at least go look for him so we can stop wasting time doing nothing," she spat. "This meeting should have been over hours ago!"

"Really?" he sat up, looking alarmed. "HOURS ago?"

"Yes!"

The blonde flopped back down in his seat. "Then go look for him yourself."

"…"

He looked up curiously to see Nel cracking her knuckles with a murderous expression on her lovely face. "Did I say something wrong?" he asked innocently.

Seeing that her partner was about get the stuffing knocked out of him, Mirage sighed and kindly volunteered to look for Albel. Taking care not to smudge the meticulously applied pink polish, she tiptoed out of the room and vanished around a corner.

After five minutes of crying her eyes out and throwing herself around, Peppita realized that no one was paying attention to her. She pouted and turned her attention to the prone figure lying next to her with a sigh. _Fayt must have forgotten to breathe again_, she thought knowingly. Leaning her head on her forearms, she stared directly into his face and began to blow gently.

"Wake up sleepyhead…" she crooned.

Eyelids fluttered before blinking shut. "Uhh?" he managed a small moan before passing out again.

_Poor Fayt_, she thought sympathetically. _His brain is so tired… it must have been I Spy_. But Peppita knew how to wake him up and she giggled in anticipation, lowering her lips to his face.

Then she slapped him on the head. "FAYT, WAKE UP!" she screeched in his ear.

"Owchie!"

Fayt shot upright, his body going rigid. "Must… not lose…" he gasped, flinging his arms wildly around him. "Must find… round…"

"Fayt, are you alright?"

The bluenette gaped at Nel for a few moments, his eyes fixed on her. Slowly, he brought his arm up until it was pointing directly at her head.

"Uh… Fayt?"

"Round… round_ head_…" he whispered softly in amazed wonder.

Cliff glanced up, brow raised in surprise. Maria glanced at the blonde before looking back at Fayt. "It looks as though you may actually have won, Fayt. Congratulations."

"I… won?" he looked very confused.

"Wait, the round object was my HEAD?"

Fayt was stunned and he stood frozen as Nel began to chase Cliff around the room. "I won…" he repeated softly to himself. "I finally won a game of I Spy…"

"YES! MY LIFE FINALLY HAS MEANING!"

**Meanwhile…**

Oh. My. God.

Mirage stood and stared. There was really nothing she could do except stare at the amazing spectacle unfolding before her. Really, this was the last thing she had expected when she found Albel.

The swordsman was squatting on the table, one hand on his hip and the other curled in the air like he was trying to imitate a bird and he was _singing_.

Albel Nox, proud and arrogant to the bone, was pretending to be a teapot.

Slowly she walked towards him, keeping her distance in case it was contagious. Amusing as it was to see Albel reduce himself to a fool, she would hate to be in the same position. But Mirage stood in front of the oblivious swordsman and swore she would help him no matter what. It was her duty as his comrade and friend.

Then she pulled out her video camera and started filming.

"I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout. When I see the tea cups, hear me shout: tip me over and pour me out!"

In that moment, Mirage knew she was going to make Cliff the happiest man in the galaxy. Of course, that would mean Albel would be harassed and mocked for the rest of his natural life but she was prepared to make that sacrifice.

Ah yes, the joys of friendship…

"Would you like some tea?"

Mirage blinked and almost dropped her video camera. "What?"

Albel looked at her patiently and stabbed his 'spout' toward a teacup on the table. "Would you like some tea?" he repeated. "You better have one quick before I get cold. Luckily for you, I am still fresh and hot."

Now at a loss for words, she only stared at him and thanked the gods above that she was still filming. "Why yes, I would love a cup of tea."

He beamed and tipped himself to the side, pouring imaginary tea from his arm into the waiting cup. "There you go, a nice hot cup of tea!"

Mirage gave him a bemused smile. "Uh… thanks." But she stared at the empty cup and then at Albel, who beamed again.

Did he honestly expect her to drink from an empty cup?

Crimson eyes narrowed and the smile disappeared. "Drink the tea."

Apparently so.

Okay, now he was starting to freak her out. "Albel, the others are waiting for us so I think we should be getting back -"

"NOW!"

"Or what?"

It was his turn to look confused. "Drink the tea… please?"

Mirage sighed. Really, this was starting to get on her nerves. And irritated Klausians were not a pretty sight. "Albel, I'm taking you back to Cliff and the others. Then we can figure out what happened to you and fix it."

He did not budge. "Will they want tea?" he asked, his eyes shining hopefully.

She hooked her arm through his handle and sighed again. "Do you have mint?"

"No, but I can always brew myself again."

"…Then I suppose they will be wanting tea. Now will you please get off the table?"

"Okay… but be careful not to drop me, I'm very fragile."

As she led him out of the room, Mirage could have sworn she saw a flash of what looked like a brown tail whip around the corner. Odd…

Had Roger been _spying_ on them?

**To be continued.**


End file.
